I do not think that all men are the same, and maybe neither does Renu – then again, given her experience, maybe she does – however, it has been my observation that, quite apart from engaging in physical violence against women, a significant number of men in Nepal lack sensitivity to women’s issues and gender injustices.  I do not mean to men-bash – I love men, I have enjoyed meeting many men in Nepal, I work with some terrific men employed by WRRP.  But just yesterday I learned the Nepali word “joitinjre”, which is a derogatory term for a man who supports his wife – a term meant to imply that a man has lost his male-ness and thus lowered himself to the status of women.

Many of the women who have suffered from uterine prolapse with whom I have spoken have told me that they do not feel that they can talk to their husbands about their problems, that their husbands do not want them to use ring pessaries because it interferes with their comfort during sex, that their husbands don’t want them to visit the health center or undergo prolapse surgery… and on and on as such.

While in Lahan, I discussed this issue with Karuna Kunwar, the psychologist who led a psychosocial analysis training for WRRP’s Uterine Prolapse Campaigners.  Karuna told me that, although couples rarely seek her assistance for the purpose of sorting out sexual issues, such issues almost always surface.  “Many men simply do not know how to respect women’s bodies, and many women have no idea how to go about getting such respect”, Karuna said.

We desperately need to educate men and boys – not only specifically about thecauses and consequences of uterine prolapse, but also more generally about gender justice and women’s rights.  It needs to be done in a deliberate manner.  And we need to do it in such a way that men and boys embrace these concepts, understanding the benefits that they themselves and their families and communities will thereafter derive.

Educating the men has to be more than informing husbands that their wives should not carry heavy loads during pregnancy, and must go deeper to instill the sense in males of all ages, castes, wealth, and experience that women and girls are just as equal and valuable citizens as men and boys.

One of the saddest moments for both Dushala and me during our meeting with Renu was while saying our goodbyes when her three-year-old son begged to come with us, two strangers, including one white-skinned foreigner.  As pointed a sign of an unhappy and unhealthy home as there could be.

*Name has been changed to protect identity.